brianandruby.org » Wedding

The menu

Ruby — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 23:26:14 +0000

Better late than never… here is the long-awaited post about what was served at the wedding.

Thanks again to our friend and wonderful chef Vimala Rajendran, whose homestyle Indian food was a massive hit! To get on her announcement list for weekly meals or contact her for catering, e-mail: curryblossom AT bellsouth DOT net

Appetizers:

Asparagus, marinated in homemade asian dressing (ginger, garlic, sesame, red pepper)
Dal wada, lentil patties with ginger, onion, and curry leaves
Pakodas, chickpea batter-dipped mixed vegetable fritters
Coconut chutney dipping sauce, coconut, tamarind and shallots
Cilantro-mint chutney, spicy sauce with green chilies, mint and tamarind
Pappadum, crispy lentil wafers with cumin seeds

Buffet dinner:

Chana masala, chick peas with fresh tomatoes, mango, pomegranate seeds, cumin and garlic
Salmon, fish poached in coconut milk with saffron, green mango, chillies, and curry leaves
Aloo gobhi, cauliflower and potato with mild aromatic spices
Dal, lentils with garlic, chilies and tumeric
Garden salad, cilantro-lime salad dressing or oil-vinegar salad dressing
Raita, yogurt, cucumbers, roasted cumin
Basmati Rice pulao, rice with saffron and whole spices (cloves, cinnamon, cardamom and bay leaves)
Garlic naan & plain naan, bread
Fresh lemonade
Homemade iced tea

Dessert:

Iced chai, black tea, milk, spices
Iced coffee
Double-chocolate cardamom brownies by Vimala

Popsicles by LocoPops!
- mango with chile (hot)
- pomegranate orange
- pistachio
- very berry
- Mexican chocolate

Photos

Ruby — Sun, 23 Jul 2006 23:27:23 +0000

Wow, we finally did it! I must say I had the time of my life and it looked like some of you did too. You can see for yourself on Flickr.com where we are aggregating wedding photos by tagging them “brianandruby.” You can view them in chronological order, or by interestingness.

Please sign up at Flickr (it’s free) and add your own photos!

How we got married

Ruby — Sun, 23 Jul 2006 21:49:55 +0000

Now, in the eyes of the state and in our hearts, Brian and I are married. Here are the words spoken at yesterday’s ceremony:

Opening statement/why we are here
Excerpt from Massachusetts state supreme court ruling allowing gay marriage
read by Nicole Graysmith

Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations. Without question, civil marriage enhances the “welfare of the community.” It is a “social institution of the highest importance.”

Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Tangible as well as intangible benefits flow from marriage. The benefits accessible only by way of a marriage license are enormous, touching nearly every aspect of life and death. Without the right to marry, one is excluded from the full range of human experience.

Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.

Final stanza of Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman
read by Ruby Sinreich

…the road is before us!
It is safe—I have tried it—my own feet have tried it well—be not detain’d!
Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the
shelf unopen’d!
Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn’d!
Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!
Let the preacher preach in his pulpit! let the lawyer plead in the
court, and the judge expound the law.

Camerado, I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

Sonnet II by Pablo Neruda
read by Brian Russell

Love, how many roads to obtain a kiss,
what lonely wanderings before finding you!
Trains now trundle through the rain without me.
Spring has yet to come to Taltal.

But you and I, my love, are together,
together from our clothes to our bones,
together in Autumn, in our water, at our hips,
until it’s just you together, me together.

To think it took all the stones borne by the river,
flowing out of the mouth of the river Boroa;
to think that, held apart by trains and nations

you and I had but to love each other,
with everyone mixed up, with men and women,
with the earth that nurtures the carnations.

On Marriage from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
read by Sherrie Lemnios (Ruby’s mother)

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Marriage Joins Two People In The Circle Of Its Love by Edmund O’Neill
read by Joey Russell (Brian’s brother)

Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other relationship can equal. It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.

Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other’s best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing, and the love of the other may resemble the tender caring of a parent for a child.

Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher, commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly.

Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, and new ways of expressing a love that is deeper than life.

When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

on friendship by George Eliot
Read by Melissa Trachtenberg

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.

Two Happy Lovers by Pablo Neruda
Read by Mathias Leppitsch

Two happy lovers make one bread,
a single moon drop in the grass.
Walking, they cast two shadows that flow together;
waking, they leave one sun empty in their bed.

Of all the possible truths, they chose the day;
they held it, not with ropes but with an aroma.
They did not shred the peace; they did not shatter words;
their happiness is a transparent tower.

The air and wine accompany the lovers.
The night delights them with its joyous petals.
They have a right to all the carnations.

Two happy lovers, without an ending, with no death,
they are born, they die, many times while they live:
they have the eternal life of the Natural.

Vows read by Ruby and Brian to each other
source unknown

I take you as my friend and love, beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking that you be no other than yourself, loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not know yet, in all the ways that life may find us.

We have rings

Ruby — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 23:39:58 +0000

Click the images to see more photos.

Wedding vows and advice

Ruby — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 23:41:00 +0000

Brian and I are collecting ideas and poems and stuff to use in the ceremony. I came across this fun little bit of advice:

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong admit it;
Whenever you’re right shut up.

If any of you want to share your favorite quotations and poems for weddings, please add them in the comments.

The calm before the storm

Ruby — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 23:42:41 +0000

It’s funny that the website has gone quiet this month because things are definitely picking up! We’ve been getting RSVPs but there are still a bunch of you we haven’t heard from. Please visit guest central and let us know if you’re coming.

We booked our honeymoon in Merida, I got my dress finished, and we’ve finalized the menu of delicious Indian food with our long-time friend Vimala Rajendran.

Ruby’s working hard

Brian — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 23:43:56 +0000

Just wanted to throw some credit where it’s due. Ruby has been working really hard on this website, specifically the RSVP stuff. She spent all day yesterday and a real long night getting it ready for prime time. (Your paper invites are in the mail BTW.) You wouldn’t believe the hassle Drupal has been. (Our website CMS) So I hope everyone enjoys the 21st century, web 2.0, internet goodness that is our RSVP form/website. (with special help from theknot.com) As it works super smooth with no bumps its all because of her hard work. Love ya Ruby!

Gift registry

Ruby — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 23:45:04 +0000

As you can tell, we are not into the idea of traditional registries. However, we appreciate the generosity of our friends and family, and there are some ways you can help us in our new life together.

We would never have met if it were not for Internationalist Books and Community Center where Brian volunteered for NC Indymedia and Ruby was on the Board of Directors. Please consider giving a gift to support Internationalist which has been an incredible intellectual and political resource in our community for a quarter of a century!

We are hoping to grow our family in the near future (ie: have children) but we currently live in a 840-square foot home, which is maxed out by the current occupancy of two humans and two cats. So we plan to either be expanding or moving by the end of the year. You can support this effort with Lowe’s gift certificates or contributions to our joint savings account at Self-Help Credit Union.

We are also extremely concerned that the legal recognition we will enjoy as a couple is not available to all of our friends. We hope you will share our concerns about equal rights for gays and lesbians and make a gift in our honor to one of these organizations fighting for justice: Freedom to Marry, Human Rights Campaign.

Finally, if you really want to give us stuff, we have developed a list on Amazon of things we can use or would really enjoy.

I got a suit!

Brian — Mon, 08 May 2006 23:45:58 +0000

After a rather long search Ruby and I finally found a suit. Its made of a black semi-shiny material with subtle black pinstripes. At first when looking at suits I wasn’t crazy about pinstripes. But this particular suit really did it for me. For a while I really thought about a grey color. But in the end I went with my gut which told me to use my favorite colors – Black and Red. Really those are my favorite colors. All you have to do is look at my “wardrobe”.

The suit has four buttons and a high not too big collar. Just what I was looking for. Neither Ruby or I really like the double breasted suit. Hollywood movie stars in the 1940′s look hot in them tho’. Not what I want for my wedding any way.

Right now the suit is being tailored a bit. Letting out the waist an inch and hemming the pant legs. Once I have it in hand I’ll take a nice picture of it.

Next is the shirt, tie, and cuff links. Right now I’m thinking a French cuff white shirt with a high thread count, a silk red tie, and silver colored cuff links with a bit of red in them. I might even put a handkerchief in the front pocket. Maybe some other thing pinned on my chest. I don’t think it’ll be a flower. I like flowers btw.

A big thanks to Ruby for her help. I REALLY dislike shopping for clothes. I can handle it, but only for short periods of time. I usually research online then run into a store to buy something th

Buddhist weddings

Ruby — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 23:47:37 +0000

“If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed.” – The Buddha, according to Access to Insight

I’ve been doing some research to find out of there are any Buddhist traditions that we might want to incorporate into the ceremony – which will be original and agnostic. It turns out there is no such thing as an explicitly Buddhist wedding.

Whereas in many religions (both Asian and western), marriage is a sacrament and an essential aspect of religious duty, marriage in Buddhism is purely a secular affair. A Buddhist’s decision to wed is not affected by or intertwined with a desire to continue the Buddhist faith. Marriage is considered a personal concern; there are no religious directions on whether or not one should marry or remain unwed. There is also no formal wedding service.
- Aryabhatt Matrimony

That said, here are some nice examples:

And here’s something I’m sure we won’t do, but is interesting:

“In five ways should a wife, as Western quarter, be ministered to by her husband: by respect, by courtesy, by faithfulness, by handing over authority to her, by providing her with ornaments. In these five ways does the wife minister to by her husband as the Western quarter, love him: her duties are well-performed by hospitality to kin of both, by faithfulness, by watching over the goods he brings and by skill and industry in discharging all business.”
- Aryabhatt Matrimony

And here are more examples (from Asian cultures): UrbanDharma.org newsletter on “Buddhist Weddings